The Blarney Stone is a historical stone, or actually part of the Blarney Castle in Ireland where it was believed that kissing the stone can grant you the gift of gab. Yeah, it seems strange in this day and age, but who are we to question tradition? It's not like I'm saying that Santa Claus doesn't exist (OOPS!).
There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can go though watching talk shows; radio programs; clubs dedicated to public speaking; ordinary conversations; certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it's your mouth that's doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communication is to know the very person closest to you: yourself.
1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you've learned. My stint as guest at every Toastmasters' meeting I go to taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn't mean we can't learn to keep up and share what we know.
2. Listening.
It's just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.
3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don't be afraid to ask if you're saying the right word properly and if they're unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it'll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.
4. Eye Contact
There's a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It's important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.
5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you'll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they'll feel that you're just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.
6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You'll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.
7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you're at it you can spruce up as well.
8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There's no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it's a wake. You can better express what you're saying when you smile.
9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they're at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.
10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.
And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I've learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Magnetic Actions's Law
FIRST LAW: Relation of Power to "Tone". The effectiveness of magnetism in action depends upon harmony of "tone" between its possessor and any other person, and in securing such "tone" harmony, on any magnetic plane, in any particular psychic state, at any given time, psychic and physical magnetism mutually cooperate.
SECOND LAW: Magnetic Intention. The magnetic intention ("I INTEND MAGNETICALLY") intensifies otherwise unconscious magnetism, and runs through all the mass of general etheric vibrations like a theme in complicated music, imparting to them unity, character, intelligence, and definite and enormous effectiveness in practical employment.
THIRD LAW: Influence of Purpose. In the employment of magnetism, long-run purpose establishes etheric character, and specialized purpose confirms that character if it concentrates the general purpose, but confuses that character, perhaps destroys it, if it antagonizes the general purpose.
FOURTH LAW: Force of the Ideal. Idealism of motive determines the character of etheric vibrations, and idealism of magnetic activities determines the quality of magnetism achieved.
FIFTH LAW: Sway of Other Interest. The general sway of other interest in life, and the particular influence of other interest on special occasions, impart to uses of magnetism enormous effectiveness, and not least in relation to self.
SIXTH LAW: Reaction of Admiration. The consciousness of admiration for others, recognized by them, reacts with tremendous power to stimulate magnetic action.
SEVENTH LAW: Measure of the Intake. In the magnetic life, intake of power is correctly measured by output of power: inversely in waste, directly in intelligent expenditure.
EIGHTH LAW: Adjustment. Magnetic effectiveness is proportioned to accuracy and fulness of adjustment, to things, to laws, to forces, to times, to situations, to qualities, to facts, to truths, to persons, and only studied experience can discover and establish such adjustment.
The problems of adjustment to persons are these:
With inferiors, to put self magnetically, without appearance of condescension, on their levels for the end in view, applying then the general principles of magnetism.
With equals, to apply the general principles.
With superiors, to assume their level while magnetically deferring, without adulation or humility, to such superiority, regardless of its reality or unreality, for the end in view, applying the general principles of magnetism.
NINTH LAW: The magnetism of identity. The magnetic value of adjustment expresses the force and completeness with which the individual can identify himself with another person, suggesting oneness through attitude, gesture, act, eye, tone, language, and telepathic sympathy.
TENTH LAW: The use of reactions. Magnetic skill exhibits in the manner in which beneficial reactions are received and utilized, negative or indifferent reactions are ostensibly ignored, yet constituted stimulation for further persistent magnetic action, and hostile reactions are refused, without ostentation, but with determination (if worth while) to "win out" through better adjustment and increased magnetic endeavor.
ELEVENTH LAW: Magnetic attack. Magnetic success demands the direct attack when etheric harmony of "tone" is assured, but the indirect method otherwise; that is, such attack-methods as will secure that harmony.
TWELFTH LAW: The conquest of antagonism. Magnetism ostensibly ognores, and refrains from, exciting antagonism; but, when antagonism is evident, rejects it and proceeds on the indirect attack, or openly accepts it and adopts the direct or the indirect method as the one or the other promises speediest and most perfect harmony of "tone".
THIRTEENTH LAW: Mortal antipathies. Success-Magnetism conquers the influence of deep-seated natural antipathies only by avoiding their causes.
FOURTEENTH LAW: Re-adjustment. The etheric life is unceasing reaction, and magnetism, therefore, demonstrates itself by squaring with every issue and making of every change and every defeat a new opportunity.
FIFTEENTH LAW: Control of output. It is an important to know when to open the circuit that is, to cut off the current of magnetic force as it is to know when to close the circuit to pour forth magnetic influences.
SIXTEENTH LAW: Concession. Concession becomes magnetic in its timeliness. If premature or belated, it defeats magnetism.
SEVENTEENTH LAW: Harmonic conditions. Magnetism enhances through beauty of personal surroundings, in cleanliness, order, adornment, art, literature, music, and the like.
EIGHTEENTH LAW: Sovereignty of will. is the director of native and unconscious magnetism and the creator and director of developed magnetism. Power of will is indispensable to magnetic power.
NINETEENTH LAW: Energy in magnetic action. The projection of magnetic influence proportions to inner, conscious intensity of psychic and nervous states. Exploding powder in the gun calls for the man behind the weapon, and the soul within the man, and powerful vibrations within the soul's arena, and magnetic intention within the vibrations, and psychic energy within the intention.
TWENTIETH LAW: Self-control. Magnetic power becomes effective precisely as mastery of self, in restraint and in handling, approaches perfection.
TWENTY-FIRST LAW: Magnetic handling of self. The attitude of magnetism, the magnetic intention and psychic pose, "I stand positively magnetic toward this person or this situation," constantly maintained, ultimately instructs in all the arts of magnetic self-handling through the law of auto-suggestion, and realizes in practical form its own ideals.
TWENTY-SECOND LAW: The magnetic mask. The mask of magnetism achieves effectiveness when it covers personal states and purposes in a manner positively to attract, and in that manner alone.
TWENTY-THIRD LAW: Magnetic consciousness. Intense magnetic consciousness without thought concerning it secures, by its uplifting and stimulating influence, the greatest exaltation of personal powers when employed.
TWENTY-FOURTH LAW: Magnetic faith. A deep and vital faith in the certainty of magnetic success renders all latent and developed magnetism dynamic, if that faith is thrown into action.
TWENTY-FIFTH LAW: The demand in use. In the application of magnetism to any task, intense, persistent demand upon the Universal Forces swings them directly into the effort.
TWENTY-SIXTH LAW: The affirmation in use. When, in the application of magnetism, one affirms, mentally, intensely, persistently, "I am receiving and exerting power," he unconsciously calls to aid all the success-elements and makes himself a center toward which the Universal Forces inevitably gravitate.
TWENTY-SEVENTH LAW: The magnetic telescope. The magnetic attitudes, faith, demand and affirmation, constitute a magnetic telescope through which the distant goal of success is magnified and all nearer obstacles, lures and irritating conditions are closed out of view.
TWENTY-EIGHTH LAW: Magnetic accumulations. Magnetism, through correct application to life, not only develops in the individual, but accumulates in his environment, and reacts beneficially without direct personal supervision.
TWENTY-NINTH LAW: The personal atmosphere. The personal atmosphere exactly reflects the inner self, and it furnishes a perfect field for magnetic effectiveness only when the self and the body are clean and buoyantly healthy.
THIRTIETH LAW: Subordination of physical magnetism. In the subordination of physical to psychic magnetism, each finds its greatest effectiveness according to the relative development of both orders.
THIRTY-FIRST LAW: The fixed idea. Long-continued association with some fixed, great and attractive idea sets into operation certain deep, subconscious operations of the soul, which, for a time unrecognized and unmanifest in life, gradually and surely coordinate all individual powers thereto, induce a working of the whole system in harmony therewith, and finally emerge in the objective life and consciousness as a unified, actual dynamic force. The idea has swung the individual, has transformed him, has harmonized and intensified his faculties and his personal ether, has come to sovereignty in his personal atmosphere, and from there exerts a dynamic force upon other people and life's conditions.
This Article has tried to saturate you with the idea of success coordinating with its necessary elements, and has thus endeavored to swing your whole being into mighty belief that large success is also for you.
SECOND LAW: Magnetic Intention. The magnetic intention ("I INTEND MAGNETICALLY") intensifies otherwise unconscious magnetism, and runs through all the mass of general etheric vibrations like a theme in complicated music, imparting to them unity, character, intelligence, and definite and enormous effectiveness in practical employment.
THIRD LAW: Influence of Purpose. In the employment of magnetism, long-run purpose establishes etheric character, and specialized purpose confirms that character if it concentrates the general purpose, but confuses that character, perhaps destroys it, if it antagonizes the general purpose.
FOURTH LAW: Force of the Ideal. Idealism of motive determines the character of etheric vibrations, and idealism of magnetic activities determines the quality of magnetism achieved.
FIFTH LAW: Sway of Other Interest. The general sway of other interest in life, and the particular influence of other interest on special occasions, impart to uses of magnetism enormous effectiveness, and not least in relation to self.
SIXTH LAW: Reaction of Admiration. The consciousness of admiration for others, recognized by them, reacts with tremendous power to stimulate magnetic action.
SEVENTH LAW: Measure of the Intake. In the magnetic life, intake of power is correctly measured by output of power: inversely in waste, directly in intelligent expenditure.
EIGHTH LAW: Adjustment. Magnetic effectiveness is proportioned to accuracy and fulness of adjustment, to things, to laws, to forces, to times, to situations, to qualities, to facts, to truths, to persons, and only studied experience can discover and establish such adjustment.
The problems of adjustment to persons are these:
With inferiors, to put self magnetically, without appearance of condescension, on their levels for the end in view, applying then the general principles of magnetism.
With equals, to apply the general principles.
With superiors, to assume their level while magnetically deferring, without adulation or humility, to such superiority, regardless of its reality or unreality, for the end in view, applying the general principles of magnetism.
NINTH LAW: The magnetism of identity. The magnetic value of adjustment expresses the force and completeness with which the individual can identify himself with another person, suggesting oneness through attitude, gesture, act, eye, tone, language, and telepathic sympathy.
TENTH LAW: The use of reactions. Magnetic skill exhibits in the manner in which beneficial reactions are received and utilized, negative or indifferent reactions are ostensibly ignored, yet constituted stimulation for further persistent magnetic action, and hostile reactions are refused, without ostentation, but with determination (if worth while) to "win out" through better adjustment and increased magnetic endeavor.
ELEVENTH LAW: Magnetic attack. Magnetic success demands the direct attack when etheric harmony of "tone" is assured, but the indirect method otherwise; that is, such attack-methods as will secure that harmony.
TWELFTH LAW: The conquest of antagonism. Magnetism ostensibly ognores, and refrains from, exciting antagonism; but, when antagonism is evident, rejects it and proceeds on the indirect attack, or openly accepts it and adopts the direct or the indirect method as the one or the other promises speediest and most perfect harmony of "tone".
THIRTEENTH LAW: Mortal antipathies. Success-Magnetism conquers the influence of deep-seated natural antipathies only by avoiding their causes.
FOURTEENTH LAW: Re-adjustment. The etheric life is unceasing reaction, and magnetism, therefore, demonstrates itself by squaring with every issue and making of every change and every defeat a new opportunity.
FIFTEENTH LAW: Control of output. It is an important to know when to open the circuit that is, to cut off the current of magnetic force as it is to know when to close the circuit to pour forth magnetic influences.
SIXTEENTH LAW: Concession. Concession becomes magnetic in its timeliness. If premature or belated, it defeats magnetism.
SEVENTEENTH LAW: Harmonic conditions. Magnetism enhances through beauty of personal surroundings, in cleanliness, order, adornment, art, literature, music, and the like.
EIGHTEENTH LAW: Sovereignty of will. is the director of native and unconscious magnetism and the creator and director of developed magnetism. Power of will is indispensable to magnetic power.
NINETEENTH LAW: Energy in magnetic action. The projection of magnetic influence proportions to inner, conscious intensity of psychic and nervous states. Exploding powder in the gun calls for the man behind the weapon, and the soul within the man, and powerful vibrations within the soul's arena, and magnetic intention within the vibrations, and psychic energy within the intention.
TWENTIETH LAW: Self-control. Magnetic power becomes effective precisely as mastery of self, in restraint and in handling, approaches perfection.
TWENTY-FIRST LAW: Magnetic handling of self. The attitude of magnetism, the magnetic intention and psychic pose, "I stand positively magnetic toward this person or this situation," constantly maintained, ultimately instructs in all the arts of magnetic self-handling through the law of auto-suggestion, and realizes in practical form its own ideals.
TWENTY-SECOND LAW: The magnetic mask. The mask of magnetism achieves effectiveness when it covers personal states and purposes in a manner positively to attract, and in that manner alone.
TWENTY-THIRD LAW: Magnetic consciousness. Intense magnetic consciousness without thought concerning it secures, by its uplifting and stimulating influence, the greatest exaltation of personal powers when employed.
TWENTY-FOURTH LAW: Magnetic faith. A deep and vital faith in the certainty of magnetic success renders all latent and developed magnetism dynamic, if that faith is thrown into action.
TWENTY-FIFTH LAW: The demand in use. In the application of magnetism to any task, intense, persistent demand upon the Universal Forces swings them directly into the effort.
TWENTY-SIXTH LAW: The affirmation in use. When, in the application of magnetism, one affirms, mentally, intensely, persistently, "I am receiving and exerting power," he unconsciously calls to aid all the success-elements and makes himself a center toward which the Universal Forces inevitably gravitate.
TWENTY-SEVENTH LAW: The magnetic telescope. The magnetic attitudes, faith, demand and affirmation, constitute a magnetic telescope through which the distant goal of success is magnified and all nearer obstacles, lures and irritating conditions are closed out of view.
TWENTY-EIGHTH LAW: Magnetic accumulations. Magnetism, through correct application to life, not only develops in the individual, but accumulates in his environment, and reacts beneficially without direct personal supervision.
TWENTY-NINTH LAW: The personal atmosphere. The personal atmosphere exactly reflects the inner self, and it furnishes a perfect field for magnetic effectiveness only when the self and the body are clean and buoyantly healthy.
THIRTIETH LAW: Subordination of physical magnetism. In the subordination of physical to psychic magnetism, each finds its greatest effectiveness according to the relative development of both orders.
THIRTY-FIRST LAW: The fixed idea. Long-continued association with some fixed, great and attractive idea sets into operation certain deep, subconscious operations of the soul, which, for a time unrecognized and unmanifest in life, gradually and surely coordinate all individual powers thereto, induce a working of the whole system in harmony therewith, and finally emerge in the objective life and consciousness as a unified, actual dynamic force. The idea has swung the individual, has transformed him, has harmonized and intensified his faculties and his personal ether, has come to sovereignty in his personal atmosphere, and from there exerts a dynamic force upon other people and life's conditions.
This Article has tried to saturate you with the idea of success coordinating with its necessary elements, and has thus endeavored to swing your whole being into mighty belief that large success is also for you.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Does a Law on Human Attraction really Exist?
“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Why Communication Breaks Down
One of the most crucial elements in any relationship is communication and when communication breaks down its imperative that you find out the cause of the breakdown so that you can try to fix the problem before it destroys the relationship. Communication can break down in a relationship for a variety of reasons including the birth of a baby, financial strains and distrust in the relationship. Regardless of the cause of the communication break down, it is vital to the health of the relationship to reopen the lines of communication.
While the birth of a couple’s first child may be a glorious and blessed event that they were both looking forward to, the arrival of a new baby may put strains on the relationship. Specifically there may be a communication break down after the baby’s birth. There are a number of reasons why communication breaks down after the birth of a baby. The addition of a new element into the relationship that previously included just the two partners can be stressful. While they don’t begrudge the attention that their partner lavishes on the new baby it does take an adjustment period to deal with the fact that they no longer have their partner’s undivided attention. As the couple learns to balance their time and ensure that both their partner and their child are receiving enough of their attention, there may be a period where the stress of making this adjustment causes a break down in communication. Also, typically the birth of a baby leads to a complete change of schedule as well as a stretch of sleep deprivation for the couple. While the couple may have previously been used to doing things as they please, they now realize that most activities must be planned around the baby’s schedule which is often unpredictable. This new scheduled coupled with the lack of sleep that typically plagues new parents can put a great deal of pressure on the relationship. To avoid this type of communication break down it is important for the couple to realize that they need to allot time to spend with the baby and also with each other. They also need to realize that the sleep deprivation is affecting them both and take turns getting up with the baby. These few simple steps can go a long way in reversing or preventing a communication break down. Although a new couple loves their new baby, the challenge of adapting to the baby’s schedule can be one reason why communication breaks down in a relationship and it is up to the couple to ensure that their relationship does not suffer a communication break down.
A concern over financial matters is another reason why communication breaks down. Struggling with financial issues can be extremely stressful for either one or both partners in a relationship. If one partner typically handles the finances in a relationship they may not wish to worry their partner so they may struggle internally with the financial concerns. While this is a noble gesture, it can also cause a communication break down in the relationship. The one partner may feel that this is a burden they need to bear on their own and therefore avoid talking about the subject with their partner. The problem with this is that in trying to avoid conversations regarding finances they may end up avoiding conversations all together. For example, a conversation about where to go out to dinner may be avoided because thinking about spending too much money on leisure activities causes too much anxiety on one of the partners. The partner who is unaware of the financial concerns may be offended by their partner’s avoidance of a simple conversation. One way to avoid or reverse having a communication break down over finances is to share the responsibility of the finances and openly discuss concerns over financial matters. Doing this will ensure that neither partner becomes consumed by financial matters and allows it to affect the relationship. Finances can induce enough stress to destroy even the most secure relationships by causing a communication break down but planning ahead and speaking openly about finances can help a couple to avoid a communication break down.
Distrust is another factor that can affect communication in a relationship. If one of the partners has a reason to be suspicious of the other it creates a distrust that directly affects communication. Also, if one person has a reason to feel guilty in a relationship, it may result in a break down in communication. This lack of trust or guilt often results in the couple not wanting to communicate either because they don’t want to have their suspicions confirmed or because they don’t want their secret to be revealed. These feelings of suspicion or guilt may lead to strained conversations that are purposefully not very meaningful. One way to avoid a break down in communication in this situation is to always be upfront with your partner. Whether it’s suspicion or guilt that is driving your fear of communication, being honest with your partner will alleviate your fears and reopen the lines of communication. You run the risk of having your suspicions confirmed but it’s better to be sure than to destroy your relationship while doubt remains.
Since open and honest communication is critical to a healthy relationship, it’s important to understand why communication breaks down and work to avoid a break down in communication. Having an understanding of the causes of communication break down will help you to either avoid or reverse this situation. Maintaining or restoring communication can ensure that a relationship endures and thrives.
While the birth of a couple’s first child may be a glorious and blessed event that they were both looking forward to, the arrival of a new baby may put strains on the relationship. Specifically there may be a communication break down after the baby’s birth. There are a number of reasons why communication breaks down after the birth of a baby. The addition of a new element into the relationship that previously included just the two partners can be stressful. While they don’t begrudge the attention that their partner lavishes on the new baby it does take an adjustment period to deal with the fact that they no longer have their partner’s undivided attention. As the couple learns to balance their time and ensure that both their partner and their child are receiving enough of their attention, there may be a period where the stress of making this adjustment causes a break down in communication. Also, typically the birth of a baby leads to a complete change of schedule as well as a stretch of sleep deprivation for the couple. While the couple may have previously been used to doing things as they please, they now realize that most activities must be planned around the baby’s schedule which is often unpredictable. This new scheduled coupled with the lack of sleep that typically plagues new parents can put a great deal of pressure on the relationship. To avoid this type of communication break down it is important for the couple to realize that they need to allot time to spend with the baby and also with each other. They also need to realize that the sleep deprivation is affecting them both and take turns getting up with the baby. These few simple steps can go a long way in reversing or preventing a communication break down. Although a new couple loves their new baby, the challenge of adapting to the baby’s schedule can be one reason why communication breaks down in a relationship and it is up to the couple to ensure that their relationship does not suffer a communication break down.
A concern over financial matters is another reason why communication breaks down. Struggling with financial issues can be extremely stressful for either one or both partners in a relationship. If one partner typically handles the finances in a relationship they may not wish to worry their partner so they may struggle internally with the financial concerns. While this is a noble gesture, it can also cause a communication break down in the relationship. The one partner may feel that this is a burden they need to bear on their own and therefore avoid talking about the subject with their partner. The problem with this is that in trying to avoid conversations regarding finances they may end up avoiding conversations all together. For example, a conversation about where to go out to dinner may be avoided because thinking about spending too much money on leisure activities causes too much anxiety on one of the partners. The partner who is unaware of the financial concerns may be offended by their partner’s avoidance of a simple conversation. One way to avoid or reverse having a communication break down over finances is to share the responsibility of the finances and openly discuss concerns over financial matters. Doing this will ensure that neither partner becomes consumed by financial matters and allows it to affect the relationship. Finances can induce enough stress to destroy even the most secure relationships by causing a communication break down but planning ahead and speaking openly about finances can help a couple to avoid a communication break down.
Distrust is another factor that can affect communication in a relationship. If one of the partners has a reason to be suspicious of the other it creates a distrust that directly affects communication. Also, if one person has a reason to feel guilty in a relationship, it may result in a break down in communication. This lack of trust or guilt often results in the couple not wanting to communicate either because they don’t want to have their suspicions confirmed or because they don’t want their secret to be revealed. These feelings of suspicion or guilt may lead to strained conversations that are purposefully not very meaningful. One way to avoid a break down in communication in this situation is to always be upfront with your partner. Whether it’s suspicion or guilt that is driving your fear of communication, being honest with your partner will alleviate your fears and reopen the lines of communication. You run the risk of having your suspicions confirmed but it’s better to be sure than to destroy your relationship while doubt remains.
Since open and honest communication is critical to a healthy relationship, it’s important to understand why communication breaks down and work to avoid a break down in communication. Having an understanding of the causes of communication break down will help you to either avoid or reverse this situation. Maintaining or restoring communication can ensure that a relationship endures and thrives.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Change Your Point of View
"Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one sees the stars."- Frederick Langbridge, A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts
If you’ve placed second in a writing contest, will you jump for joy and push for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again?
In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.
So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?
Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.
On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teen-ager’s disorder’ as well.
Here’s how optimists are in action and researches that back up why it really pays to be an optimist:
Optimists expect the best
The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.
The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune---it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.
Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the 'problem' at hand. They use 'positive reinterpretation.' In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.
They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”
Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.
People respond positively to optimists
Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.
Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.
In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.
When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher
Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.
They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.
Optimists are healthier and live longer
Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body's ability to fight disease.
Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.
So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.
Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else you are bound to hit lows sometimes but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?
If you’ve placed second in a writing contest, will you jump for joy and push for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again?
In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.
So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?
Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.
On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teen-ager’s disorder’ as well.
Here’s how optimists are in action and researches that back up why it really pays to be an optimist:
Optimists expect the best
The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.
The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune---it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.
Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the 'problem' at hand. They use 'positive reinterpretation.' In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.
They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”
Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.
People respond positively to optimists
Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.
Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.
In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.
When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher
Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.
They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.
Optimists are healthier and live longer
Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body's ability to fight disease.
Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.
So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.
Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else you are bound to hit lows sometimes but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?
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